According to the parent educator Bill Corbett, parenting with little or no talking can make a positive difference in the way parents communicate with their children. Corbett shared his philosophy on Jan. 27 with a room full of parents looking for a new way to discipline and connect with their kids.

Corbett’s workshop is based on his own experiences as a father of three, a parent educator and professional speaker . He has written a book, called “Love, Limits and Lessons – A Parent’s Guide to Raising Cooperative Kids,” which he is now sharing with local parents.

The title of the workshop, held at Somers Congregational Church, was “No I Won’t and You Can’t Make Me!” and began with Corbett sharing his own background. He grew up in a violent household in the era where agencies weren’t there to intervene when there was domestic violence. “I knew what not to do as a father, but I also didn’t know what to do either,” Corbett admitted . “When I was a young dad, there was no parenting bookshelf in the store, and the few books they had were dry like flour.”

As a single dad in 1982, Corbett found himself with his 2-year-old daughter in a constant power struggle, and like many parents, not knowing what to do about it. He read and followed the teachings of a social psychologist Rudolph Dreikurs, who believed the main purpose of humans was belonging and acceptance by others and to stimulate cooperative behavior without reward or punishment.

Corbett brought along his “toolbox” that held his props for showing parents what he knew to be their old standby utensils for getting children to behave. He pulled out a jumbo playing card aptly called “the guilt card,” a paddle for spanking, a plastic ice cream cone to symbolize bribery, demonstrated yelling and screaming, and then the ever popular “time-out ,” which he said should be used only for out-of-control children, or else it will lose its effect.

Corbett said that children need to be able to explore, but the parents must allow them to do it in safe ways. He used an example of a boy who wants to jump on the couch. He said that instead of just saying the child can’t jump on the couch, it would be a good idea to put cushions in an area that is not dangerous so the child can still do what they’re wired to do. “You want to let your child know who’s driving the plane,” Corbett said. “And they will test you, but with loving guidance, they can be redirected to good behavior.”

Corbett used volunteers in the group to show how to understand why children act the way they do. His animated demonstrations of what a child might say in order to not pick up a toy or do a chore made the group understand in a light-hearted way. He displayed slides showing the different emotions that are often evoked when a child behaves badly . They ranged from hurt, to pity, to anger, and the solution he offered as advice was to use one word firmly and lovingly to remind them of what they have to do, and walk away. “Children want you to react,” Corbett said, and the more a parent reacts, the more the child will continue to misbehave.

Corbett said that he is in the business of parenting, even if it means the house isn’t clean, and believes that children need undivided attention. He also said that a little bit of strong parenting goes a long way.

To learn more about Bill Corbett and his parenting workshops, visit his Web site www.CooperativeKids.com.